"I'm such a f**king loser."

That phrase used to play in my head on-repeat like a top 40's pop hit.

And because that sense of judgement lived within me, the world reflected it back.

Maybe you've experienced these:

• A casual comment from a friend feels like a personal attack.
• Side glances feels like disapproval.
• Laughter feels like it's aimed at you.
• Rejection feels like proof of not being good enough.
• Posting online turns into an endless loop: “What will people say? What if they judge me?”

Yep. I've experienced all of it.

This might sound crazy but you only feel judged by others because you are already judging yourself.

It's not the circumstance creating this feeling within you, the feeling already exists within. The circumstance is what activates it.

Guilt.. shame.. and an underlying sense that something is wrong with you is what makes it sting.

The Mirror Principle

I had a recent realization:

The less I judge myself, the less I perceive judgment from "out there."

Reality is a giant mirror, only ever revealing to you what's going on within.

Once you dissolve self-judgement, the world no longer reflects it back. Even if someone tries to judge you, it won't register as judgement on your radar. You become somewhat oblivious to it because the sense of judgement no longer exists within. You will even be able to see clearly that other people's actions are simply reflections of their state of consciousness.

It literally has nothing to do with you.

It becomes… obvious.

A knowing.

Thus, you no longer take their actions as a personal attack on your being.

Now, I'm not saying the sense of judgement has completely dissolved from within me, but I've noticed the charge has lessened significantly.

Meaning… I worry way less about how I'm being perceived and I can allow myself to open up way more.

How To Stop Feeding Self-Judgement

First: understand that you are doing the best you can with what you know (and so is everyone else) so there is no need to berate yourself.

Would you judge a baby learning to walk who falls down? Would you shout at them to get up and be better?

Nah. You wouldn't.

Because you understand the baby is at a certain level of development.

Treat yourself the same way.

Externalize the negative voice in your head. See it as a separate entity (because it is). See this separate entity shouting at you. See how ridiculous it is?

Accept yourself as you are.

Second: when thoughts of self-judgement arise (and they will because they have a certain degree of momentum) do not push them away. What you resists persists. Even saying something like, "I shouldn't be judging myself" is subtle judgement.

Just allow the thought to exist, but release your identification to it. These thoughts of self-judgement and unworthiness are simply programs you picked up along the way. They are not you.

Tap into Witness Mode: zoom out of playing the character in first person and see yourself from a 3rd person perspective. Let the thoughts pass like clouds in the sky.

The less energy you give them, the more they lose momentum.

Sometimes it will get intense because the thoughts need your energy to survive. They will do their best to hook you back into their stories. It may feel like you are dying because you have identified with these thought patterns for so long. But you are not dying, your distortions are simply being burned away.

Third: drop out of your head and into your body. Do a body scan. Are any sensations or tensions arising? A twist in your stomach? A knot in your throat? Can you welcome the sensation? Can you allow it to be there without pushing it away? It's just energy passing through, nothing to cling to or push away.

Over time, you'll notice the charge lessens. In the same situations where you used to get "triggered" or spiral into self-doubt, you will barely feel a sting. You won't react the same way. This is how you know you're doing the inner work.

I hope this helps.

Until next time my friend,

— Priscilla [Player 2]

P.S. If you struggle with this, my DMs are always open to answer any questions. Hit me up anytime. Much love.